Should I Come Out Of My Closet?
When I was in my early 20s I experimented sexually on two occasions with men. In the immediate aftermath of the second encounter, I "freaked out" and refused to admit to any attraction.
In the next twenty years, I often fantasized about, read about, and thought about sexual encounters with men, and masturbated regularly with those thoughts. At age 48, I began to think seriously about meeting a man again, and finally did so. My immediate reaction was sheer fear, but I also began to realize that the fear was based, pretty much, on my enjoyment of the meeting.
In the next several years, I enjoyed many such escapades, although I continued to date and think about women. At 54, I got married again to a woman (was married previously from age 27 until 45). I determined to be a straight man at that time, but it didn't take long for my fantasies and my urges to return.
I finally capitulated to those urges and met a man for sex again. He and I are now seeing each other semi-regularly, frankly not as often as we'd like, and the sexual activity is wonderful for me.
Should I come out of this closet? Should I admit to the world that I'm gay, at last, and make a lasting commitment with my friend and, perhaps, even marry, since same-sex marriage is legal in my state? I have trepidation about coming out, and people in the local community have no notion about my sexual desires or activity.
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