Don't Remember...Mon, May 7th 2012
I don't know if this type of question is in relation to these forums/self help pages at all, but I've been researching these types of questions a lot in the past 4 months. It has to do with a night out of drinking, I drank a little too much but I remember thinking the next morning that I felt fairly aware of all that happened that night. I had pushed down these thoughts to a point that they only subtly inhabited my mind.
In December, I was only "seeing" my now boyfriend and one night we went out drinking, and I ran into an old friend. Long story short, I did go home with him once the guy I was seeing (that is now my boyfriend) left. I regret it 100% and my boyfriend ended up asking me two days later if anything happened and I told him what did happen. He forgive me and we're still together.
Now on March 17th, we went out drinking with my friends in my old hometown and we spent from what I remember alot of the night dancing together with older couples and having a good time. The odd time I'd sneak for a smoke but normally he was outside and caught me and scolded me for it. There are certain parts of the night that I don't necessarily remember clearly so the next day later in the afternoon my mind automatically went to, "oh no what did I do now I can't remember?" Most of what I could not remember was between the time my one group of friends left and the time that my other friends showed up. I remember running into someone I went out with once and he greeted me and I pretty much said Hi and turned right back to my boyfriend. At that point I was fairly drunk. So It brings me to believe that I wouldn't have done anything all night if in that moment I knew what to do.
I've talked to everyone that I am friends with from that night and a couple of people I'm not that close with whether if I had done anything stupid? They all have said "no" apart from one who doesn't remember.I even talked to my boyfriend and he says I didn't do anything wrong.
After that night there was a psychic expo and we went and the psychic didn't bring up anything, she commented on how we were "nice" couple like she got a nice feeling.
The days went on and I became paranoid and began questioning myself. I was texting my boyfriend about it one night and we were talking about that night and all of a sudden he says, "I feel like you made out with another dude." I said I had been kind of thinking the same. That created a minor argument where he asked me if I was 100% sure I didn't do anything and I had to say yes because I have no proof that I did anything. I don't believe the images I've created are memories but more my fears. We talked about it again and he said he didn't know why he said that because he wasn't thinking that.
A couple weeks later we talked about it again and he doesn't believe I did anything wrong. I e-mailed the psychic not long after and she says she didn't sense that and so I went to another psychic in my area and she says she doesn't think that I did anything. It's my past paranoia creeping up on me and that I don't trust myself because of what happened before. I know I SHOULDN'T drink that much and I've been pretty good I think but I'm terrified...pretty much everyone is telling me I'm fine and did anything.
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