| |
Basic InformationMore InformationTestsLatest NewsQuestions and AnswersHusband Sexting With a Mutual FriendSexFearWhy do I Have These Mood Swings?Violent When DrunkAngry All The TimeEating Disorder or Overreacting?What Is Wrong With Me ?Classify My Mental DisorderOCD, DepressionI'm Going Crazy?Please Help. I Criticize Myself Too Much and I Need to Stop. Trying to ForgetWhat's Wrong With Me?How to Overcome Depression Caused when Boyfriend Ditched Me?New Boyfriend Lying About Belongings That Are His Ex Girlfriend'sHow to Help my Delusional Son?Is Any of This Real?What is This, and What do I do About it?I Have Everything I Ever Wanted. Why am I so Miserable?How Can I Convince My Suicidal MD Husband To Be Evaluated?Sexual Abuse, What Should I do Now?Bipolar or Depressed or Neither?DepressionFeel Like Something's WrongToo Much SorrowVery EmptyReally Desperate..Please HelpMy Health?DepressionBipolar, Depression, Grief & AnxietyIs This a Flashback?Help Us With Our Son!No Clue What To Do. Help?Am I Going Crazy?Do I Suffer From Depression?Why Is He Doing This To Me?Am I Commitment-Phobic?I Don't Care For Anything, I Feel as Though I'm Wasting my Life.Anxiety Has Taken Over My Life...Not Able to be Happy With my HusbandHow Do I Get My 24 Year Old Son To A CounselorBipolar TeenI Have This IssueAm I Depressed?Fear of ChokingHelpIn Love With a Man Who Does Not Love MeI Think I Have a Mental Disorder?Stress and Loss of Feeling or Emotional DeadnessPlease Help MeOCD or Not OCD, That's The QuestionHow Can I Move Past This- A Question for StaffDoes Romance Lead to Aggression?Am I Depressed?Depressed, Anxious and Dead Inside...Please Help!BrokenWhy do I Feel Like Everyone is Trying to Upset me?My Husbands Roller Coaster of Proper Hygiene: Is it Depression?I Feel Like a Complete Waste of a Human LifeAm I Always Going to Feel Like This?Is He Changed???I Can't Stop CryingHopelessAnxious and Depressed SonIs There Any Hope For Me, or am I Destined to be Damaged?Falling ApartIs There Such a Thing as Happiness? JoylessWorrying Too Much About Anything.Helping and Watching a Friend's Recurrent Depression?Homesick and Feeling Stuck.Insanely Jealous HusbandPOCDCan Prescription Drug Use Lead to Delusional Beharior? Social Anxiety, Depression and More...SadSame Views On So Much, but Can't Get Along As A CoupleSuicidal ThoughtsHypothyroid 23 Year Old GirlIt's Me or It's My Mother?Is He a Narcissist?Help For Aging Human Service Professionals?DepressionIf There's Nothing New, There's Nothing Good.Please Respond, I Need Help Need To Ask SomeoneIs it Okay to Give Up?I'm Cheated By My Girlfriend..... I Just Want to Die.....How Can It Help?Everyone Says He is depressed, Is He? Or Does He Really Want a Divorce??Help! Please!I Think I Need Some HelpI Feel So Lost.Scared and LonelyPlease Help Me OutHow Much Should a Therapist Care or Reach Out?I Never Experience Happiness Mystery SymptomsI Think I'm DepressedBorn to Lose, or Nurtured to Lose?Help!Quadruple Bypass SurgeryAdviceI am an 18 Year Old Mom Diagnosed With Severe Depression And AnxietyExtremely Scared: I Felt Indifferent Toward an ObsessionSuffering with Treatment-Resistant DepressionMy Fiance May Have a Sexual, Nude Photo AddictionInfections and The BrainMy Girlfriend's Family Is Ruining Our RelationshipWorthlessI Need Help And Am At The End of My RopeHow Can I Cope With My Husband´s Depression and Its Sexual Consequences?What Is The Difference Between Mental Illness and Depression?Am I Over Thinking This, or Am I Right?AngerDo I Need Help?What Is It?Why Am I Thinking Like This?Why Does My Mother Hoard Everything, Including Garbage?Right in the middle of a nervous breakdown; What's wrong with me? Huge Disapointment With My HusbandI Don't Really Care About Anything. What Should I Do?Is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Curable? Is it Really a Problem?I am Terrified of Death. AnhedoniaDetached: I Feel Guilty, But I Can't Help it.My Father, The Sociopath...I Feel Like a Question MarkAm I Not Normal!?Our 23 Year Old Son Refuses to Get Help for His Anxiety Attacks and Depression. What is Wrong? Husband Abandoned MeD.I.D. Diagnosis, How do I Accept This?I Don't Know Anymore. Please Help.Breaking up With Bipolar Depression - Blacking OutHe's Distant. Is he Leaving me?My Boyfriend Saved Pictures of his Ex-Girlfriend on His Computer.Restroom PhobiaWhat Is Wrong with Me?Should I Seek Help?When to Leave Therapy?Help Me Please. What is Going On With Me?I'm Afraid I'm Going CrazyI Don't Know What To DoAm I Wallowing in Depression?AngerSexual Abuse and Its Effects on Relationships AfterwardsWhat Is Wrong with Me, Doc? HelpDBSAm I Suffering a Kind of Psychological Problem?Attention Deficit and DepressionDo I Have an Eating Disorder?Do you think I sound depressed? I don't understand what is going on Is This Bi Polar?Depressed 19 year old college studentThoughtsDepression helps to contribute to my unemployment! - Paula Will I ever feel normal?I feel like I am going crazyWhat is wrong with me?I'm ScaredWhat Is Wrong with Me?Cyclical DepressionFrightening thoughts - fear losing control - please help!Anxious, depressed, confused, angry....the typical...Giving Up - Dad of three - Sep 15th 2008Counting ritual - Zami - Aug 30th 2008dont understand meExercising violence in dreamsSwallowing fear My husband wants to leave me Is there help for a person who has always been a 'little depressed'Depression TreatmentPlease help. Lovely, however... - Julie C. - Jul 14th 2008I am really worried about my mental health (19yr old female)Am I depressed?Identity Confusion: I don't know what personality disorders I haveDo I Have Bipolar Dsorder?Is there something wrong with me?Will I Ever? Worried about my sonIs There Help Out There? Lonely Mother of ThreeAm I Depressed?Help?Major Depressive Disorder Severe with Psychotic FeaturesOCD- No feelingHelp!!!: LaciIs the memory of my father dooming my relationship?Worried about thoughtsHow long will i be on medication for treatment of my depressionMy Mother Won't Go For Depression Treatment!Where do i start to get on the road to recoveryWhat is wrong with me?Stuck in an on-again, off-again relationship for 10 yearsDepression TreatmentHow do I get my dr.s to understand and help me?STUCK IN A RUTWhat treatments are available after you've tried the medicines of last resort?no one will help!Should I seek help?A fighting coupleDo I have a mental health problem?Whats wrong with me?depression and employmenthow do you treat depression in teenager males?Is it ok to feel this way?Have DID: Getting Worse Not BetterCan we contact my mother's doctor?anxiety or going crazy?ADD, Tourettes or both?DepressedI think i'm lost?Don't want to take medsWill this ever endGet SupportedStages of DepressionIs there any help?Can you help?Dark FantasiesBlood testsIs it illusion or truth?should a depressed person marry?Dementia and DepressionAnger?What type of exams can proven that a person has bipolar disorder?Stuck in a mental rut...Loss of Patiencei can't seem to get over any of thisIntrusive humiliating memoriesIs there some way to deal with depression without meds?losing personality wholnessWhat is the point of life?No change is normal mood (e.g., Depression)Lack of Personal HygieneDiagnosing DepressionDoes untreated depression pass on to a fetus?A Request for HelpRegular thoughts of killing myselfHow do I help my depressed, unemployed motherAngry at my doctor for prescribing so carelesslyI become very hostile towards myselfComing to Terms With My Own Pathetic ExistenceDo environmental factors hold a person back?Tired of this DepressionStruggling With Feelings And ThoughtsGreatly DepressedIs Depression Getting More Prevalent?An Empty ShellHelping My HusbandInability To Express MyselfNon-medication Help For DepressionSuicidalSick Of Feeling This WayUntrusting PatientDepressed and Not DatingCongenital LazinessMoody BoyfriendElectroconvulsive TherapyDesperateFrustrated and Sucked DryToo Young For MedsDepressed HusbandParanoid DepressionSelf-Harming Attention SeekerDid My Parents Make Me Like This?Wild Mood SwingsA Wonderful ManHow Can I Become Less Depressed?18, Sad and HopelessShould I Continue With Therapy?Childhood DepressionCan I Help My Wife With Depression?Prozac QuestionsApproaching My Tightly Wound Depressed Attorney BrotherBrain Injury and DepressionNo Compassion For DepressionRecurrent DepressionMeds Don't Seem To Work So Now What?Pleasure-blindDo People Recover From Depression?Shy DancerCrying Is BehaviorMed ConsultFeeling Depressed and InsecureShyness And The Post Partum BluesThe Aftermath of AbuseDo I Tell My Children I'm Depressed?Now What?Medicine Doesn't Work AnymoreDepressedThe First TimeDepressed BoyfriendHow Do I Leave?Potentially Suicidal BoyfriendAlternative TreatmentBereavement and GriefParanoid DadDepression Affects The Entire FamilyHow Can I Stop Depression From Recurring?Crohn's Disorder Side EffectsIs Paranoia A Destiny?Post-Drinking DepressionSecurity Clearance and DepressionCan I Inherit Depression?Two CliniciansDepressed SpouseDepression 101Hypnosis?Controlling, Disabled HusbandAre These Just Mood SwingsDrifting Apart?Drinking. . .A Mother Struggles with DepressionMarijuana and DepressionOverburdened MomTrashed HouseBeautiful DreamerPMS WoesSeverely DepressedMiss LonelyUnhappy and In TherapyHe Won't Tell Me Why...LonelyDepression Affecting My RelationshipLonesomeMy Children Aren't Speaking..My Wife is DepressedMy Boyfriend Is DepressedParlante writes: VideosLinksBook Reviews |
| |
by Joseph J. Luciani John Wiley & Sons, 2001 Review by Jack R. Anderson, M.D. on Apr 12th 2004
The
underlying theme of this book is quite simple. Luciani tells us--his readers--in
no uncertain tone, that if we are depressed or anxious it's probably our own
damn fault. It's because we keep telling ourselves a lot of lies about
ourselves, other people and the world. If we want to feel better, what we have
to do is identify the part of us that tells these lies--the part the author
calls "our Insecure Child"--and quit listening to this little monster's
false messages of doom, gloom and imaginary dangers. Then, after we have
discredited our insecure child, we can corner the rest of ourselves in
imaginary locker rooms and give ourselves motivational speeches, as if we were
coaches inspiring our teams to outdo themselves in the Big Game--thus "Self-Coaching."
In his "Introduction,"
the author introduces himself. He begins by describing a "cautious,
worrisome child," named "Joe" who, at age 5 or 6, was already
worried about his parents dying and leaving him alone. After a traumatic
experience in the fourth grade, Joe became even more insecure. He controlled
his anxiety by trying to please everyone--what he calls his "chameleon"
defense. Despite his social successes--he was voted the most popular student in
his high school--he still felt insecure. The "Joe" he described was,
of course, himself: Joseph J. Luciani.
In
college, using the "wounded healer" theory, he decided to major in
psychology, hoping he would find a remedy for his own psychological torment.
His studies and psychoanalytical training helped somewhat but he was still
miserable. In his words: "I gave Freud a chance, then Jung, but nothing
changed. I still worried."
Shortly
after the completion of his studying and training, Luciani experienced the
epiphany: "There's no reason to be so miserable." This developed into
the realization that he had a choice as to whether to be miserable or
not, and eventually to his development of the self-coaching method.
Although
the author seems to deny it, I believe there was a causal relationship between
his psychoanalytic training and his epiphany. My personal experience with
psychoanalysis was in the middle 1940's, probably a quarter of a century or
more before Luciani's, but I still experience occasional, sudden insights into
my Weltanschauung, based on exchanges with my analyst so many years ago.
Friends who have had training or therapeutic analyses report similar
experiences.
In
Chapter 1, "A New Self-Therapy," the author stresses the importance
of self-reliance. He writes: "Anyone who insists on looking for a guru, a
shrink, a pill, or even a book to do their work will ultimately fail, because
no one but you can ever topple your destructive habits." His contemptuous
reference to therapists as "shrinks" or "gurus" was a bit
confusing to this reviewer as the author says earlier in the chapter that it
took him twenty-three years of clinical work to write "Self-Coaching."
He doesn't specify whether he practiced as a shrink or as a guru.
In Part
II of the book, in the chapters on depression and anxiety, Luciani is more accepting
of therapists, whom he refers to as "mental-health professionals"
instead of "shrinks and gurus." He also recommends that some
depressed and anxious patients be referred to mental-health professionals and
be treated with appropriate medications, instead of "pills."
All five
chapters of Part II are exceptionally well written and easy to understand.
Diagnostic terms are well defined and illustrated with clinical examples from
the author's practice. I did take exception to some of the checklists, self-quizzes
and severity scales. From my own clinical experience I would expect that the
patients most in need of prompt referral to mental-health professionals, would
not understand these self-diagnostic instruments and would thus inappropriately
attempt self-treatment.
In Part
III of his book, Luciani gets down to the nitty-gritty of his self-coaching
program. Like all of this author's writing, this part in interesting and
well-written. There are three chapters on Self-Talk, the basic component of the
self-coaching program. He explains how most of us talk to ourselves: "A
part of you talks and a part of you listens…" When the part of you talking
is your Insecure Child and you accept what he/she says, the consequent negative
thinking makes you feel anxious and depressed. Self-Talk encourages you to
disagree with your Insecure Child, to direct your thinking into more
appropriate, rational and positive interpretations of your experience, and thus
lower your levels of anxiety and depression.
The fourth
chapter of Part III is entitled: "Motivation." Luciani tells us that
if we are successful with Self-Talk, we should experience an attitude
adjustment.. Then, when we have achieved a positive attitude, we can use
motivation to mobilize the necessary energy to maintain this attitude and move
toward a healthy and productive life. To achieve this level of motivation he
recommends we think of ourselves as Knute Rocknes giving pep-talks. "Visualize
yourself as a 'coach,'" he writes, "prancing around the locker room
getting yourself pumped up."
Luciani
recommends that we journal our self-coaching activities in an ongoing training
log. He includes a "Training Log Format" in the Appendix.
In the
very last section of Part III, some models for our coaching style are
suggested. They include: Knute Rockne; Eleanor Roosevelt; George Patton; Mother
Teresa and Martin Luther King, Jr. Luciani recommends: "Just choose
someone that gets you hopping."
Part IV
discusses the application of Self-Coaching to six different personality types:
Worrywarts; Hedgehogs; Turtles; Chameleons; Perfectionists and Guilt-Sensitive
People. Self-quizzes are provided to help readers decide their own personality
types. The author gives examples of the various types from his clinical
experience. I believe almost every reader will recognize himself in one or more
of these categories. There are also specific training suggestions offered for
each type.
In the
chapter on guilt-sensitive people, Luciani discusses the relationship between
guilt and civilization. He writes: "Guilt, and at times the anticipation
of guilt, can be a major force in shaping our socialization." He uses a
triangular figure to illustrate the relationships of guilt, consequence and
conscience to personal morality. This very clearly gets his point across that
guilt itself is not always a negative force, but only when it is excessive and
unreasonable. From the chapters on anxiety and depression, this reviewer
believes the author feels much the same way about these feelings. He believes
that they are necessary to civilization, but disruptive when exaggerated. Freud
expressed he same opinion in "Civilization and Its Discontents."
In his
discussion of guilt, the author relates that as an intern he ran a therapy
group for repeat offenders from Lompoc Federal Prison. Talk about a small
world! In the early 1950s I also ran therapy groups in the prison at Lompoc. At
that time it was a U.S. Army Disciplinary Barracks and I was a psychiatric social
worker technician.
Part V, "Self-Coaching
for Life," briefly recaps the previous parts. Luciani devotes a
six-paragraph section to the development of another concept--that depression
and anxiety are just bad habits and habits were made to be broken. He says he
uses this principle in his practice and recommends that anyone in the
Self-Coaching program repeat to himself/herself at frequent intervals "It's
just a habit!" He believes that the repetition of this mantra helps the
patient to remember that anxiety and depression are not mysterious illnesses
but just habits, and habits can be broken.
In the
final two sections of the book: "Letting Go" and "Ready, Coach?"
the author waxes a bit Pollyannish for this reviewer. To illustrate his concept
of "Letting Go" or being "totally in the moment" he refers
to a Zen Buddhist story. In this story, a monk is hanging over a cliff
suspended by a vine. The vine begins to loosen and the monk is facing certain
death from the fall. Instead of being depressed or anxious about his impending
death, the monk, who is "totally in the moment," focuses on a
strawberry growing on his vine. His last words are "What a magnificent
strawberry. I think I'll eat it."
It
occurs to me that, if the monk had not been so "totally in the moment,"
he might have chosen a better course of action than jumping over the cliff and
hanging on to a poorly rooted vine.
In "Ready,
Coach?" the author writes: "That's all I have to say. It's all I need
to say. You have everything you need to insist on a life free from anxiety and
depression."
A life
free from anxiety and depression wouldn't last very long in this dangerous
world.
Despite
his over-optimistic closing, Luciani has done society a great service by taking
the time to assemble all the good advice in this book. "Self-Coaching"
is well organized and easy to read. Anyone who studies and applies the book's
principles and keeps the recommended journal--the "Training Log--is almost
certain to attain a more satisfying and successful existence, and to realize
that he is more a creator than he is a creature of circumstances.
©
2004 Jack R. Anderson
Jack R.
Anderson, M.D. is a retired psychiatrist living in Lincoln,
Nebraska.
|